


Mission Impossible

by PrairieDawn



Series: Extended Meatballverse [3]
Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Babyfic, Domestic, Hurt/Comfort, Meatballverse, Minimal Star Trek References, Multi, O Brave New World time period, Sick!Erin, Smuttius Interruptus, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 21:49:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15615759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrairieDawn/pseuds/PrairieDawn
Summary: Hawkeye returns after three weeks away at a medical conference.  BJ and Peg's attempts to welcome him back properly are thwarted by a toddler with an ear infection.





	Mission Impossible

**Author's Note:**

> Some locations and people briefly mentioned in this fic may seem confusing. It is late 1953, local dating system, but the universe in which Hawk, Beej and Peg live got a lot bigger and more complicated a couple of years ago.

BJ Hunnicutt was the luckiest man alive. Hawkeye was finally home from presenting at the Managing Trauma in the Field seminar he’d been attending in the other San Francisco. A week to fly out, a week there, a week to fly back. He and Peg had gotten an expensive earful from him every night, detailing the new tools and techniques he was learning and hoped to adapt for use at the hospital at home, not to mention the exotic foods and, a couple of times, the exotic people he had tried. His enthusiasm was infectious, and he had to admit, he and Peg had caught travel fever from him. Next year, after the baby came, they’d all go, get back in touch with old friends, make a vacation of it, but none of them had wanted Peg to make the trip while six months pregnant. 

With Hawk away, BJ had covered half of his shifts in the ER, and so he hadn’t been home as much as he’d have liked either. With no one to pick up the slack, Peg had been in charge of the house, Erin, and her own work at the real estate agency and half the time he’d come home to find her sacked out on the couch, their three year old draped bonelessly across the soft rounding of her belly. He wondered if the baby would have Hawkeye’s dark hair or her gold.

Tonight, though, Erin was snug in her bed an hour early, wonder of wonders, and his two favorite grownup people in the universe lay beside him on their king size bed without a stitch on. Hawk, long and lean, but with a little hard-won solidity to his frame at last, thanks to some unconventional therapy and access to a decent kitchen, pressed a row of soft kisses into Peg’s neck, just loudly enough that BJ could hear the faint smack of his lips as he moved. She sighed and tilted her head back further, long lashes framing her barely closed eyes. BJ cupped the curve of her pregnant belly just above the line of curls that marked her mound. It was her turn to be pampered tonight, but he saw no need to rush. He swept his hands around to cup her bottom. “Peg, you are a sight for sore eyes,” he told her, raking his fingers down the backs of her thighs and stopping teasingly to tickle behind her knees.

“Hey!” she said, and kicked at him.

“You deserved that,” Hawkeye opined. “Just for that I get a ride after we get Peg bundled off to sleep.”

“Don’t I get to watch?” Peg said, pouting.

“Don’t I wish,” Hawkeye said. He hugged her to him, a silly smile crinkling his entire face. “But the little guy is gonna cold cock you in half an hour.” He swirled a circle around her bellybutton, close enough for BJ to tilt forward and kiss the back of his fingers, then continue trailing his tongue across the back of Hawk’s hand, onto Peg’s smooth belly, and into the curls at the top of her mound. He had just planted the first kiss at the top of her slit and was nosing his way downward when the doorknob rattled.

It was locked, fortunately. But it rattled again. After a moment, a plaintive, “I’m thirsty,” could be heard through the door.

“I’ll get it,” Peggy said from underneath the two of them.

“No way,” Hawkeye said. “You’ve been hopping up and down all day.”

BJ wiggled his eyebrows at that. Hawkeye’s voice could turn a grocery list into innuendo. Hell, Hawkeye’s brain could turn groceries into, well, he tabled the thought. “I’ll be there in a second, Erin.”

BJ pulled on his robe, looked down and decided underwear would also be wise. He shimmied some back on. “Aw,” Hawkeye pouted.

“Daddy!” Erin said. She thumped her back against the locked door for punctuation. Just before he opened it, he flung the discarded quilt up over Hawk and Peg like a tent, then grabbed a spare pillow to hold strategically until things settled down a little.

Erin padded along beside him to the kitchen. BJ took a moment to wash his hands, then filled Erin’s blue plastic cup with water and waited for her to drink it. She took small sips. In between, she asked, “How come the stars aren’t out tonight?”

“It’s cloudy, Erin.”

“Oh.”

“How come really?”

“It’s going to rain.”

She put on her silliest smile. “How come really really?”

“Uncle Jim took them all down to wash.”

“I knew it.” She finished the rest of her water and set the cup neatly on a dining room chair. He scooped her up to carry her back to her bedroom. She clung to his neck and pushed her nose into the crook between neck and shoulder to plant a wet kiss on him.

“Blech!” he said, making an exaggerated face. He swung her down into the bed and did she look just a little pinker than usual? Was the patch of skin under her nose just a little shiny? Probably just from kissing him. He scootched her down into bed and tucked the covers right up to her chin, planting a wet one of his own on her forehead. “Now go to sleep. Mommy and Daddy and Papa need to talk about stuff.”

“Kinda stuff?” she asked, stalling.

“Night, squirt,” he said firmly, then hurried back down the hall and let himself back into the bedroom, scrupulously locking the door behind him.

Hawk was kneeling on the floor, with Peg scooted up to the edge of the bed, his face buried between her legs. BJ focused on the smooth line of his naked back, then down to his feet, the toes curled under to support him where he leaned forward. BJ’s brain released him from Daddy mode and his body returned to the task at hand slowly. It was the ridge of Hawk’s scapula that did it, round with the weight Hawk was finally putting on. The ridge moved under the skin as Hawk worked.

Peg gasped and squeaked, biting her lip to keep from crying out loudly enough to wake Erin again. There was a certain discipline in engaging in adult activities in a house with a three year old, and in some ways it took the intensity up a notch. BJ indulged himself with a nibble on the back of Hawk’s gorgeous rolling shoulder blades, whispered “I got you later,” in his ear, then crawled right over him, heedless of what intimate regions might brush though Hawkeye’s hair on his way to straddling Peg.

“I think I need to shush you up, Peg,” he said.

“You might just have to find something to put in my mouth,” she replied, then sucked in her breath again at whatever Hawkeye was doing. She grabbed his butt to pull him forward and atop her, tickling his sack with her artfully manicured fingernails, and…

“Mommy!”

“Fuck.” Peg sat up on her elbows, her face ending up pressed against BJ’s bellybutton. He sat back on his haunches to keep from putting any weight on her abdomen. “And now I have to pee again.”

She squirmed away from the both of them to slip on the nearest robe, the one BJ had thrown across the top of the bed as it happened, and tied it shut before going out to see what was up with Erin this time.

BJ oozed to the floor to kneel next to Hawkeye, whose expression was so rueful it made him burst out laughing. He grabbed Hawkeye’s head in his arm and scrubbed the knuckles of the other hand roughly over his hair. Hawkeye grabbed him around the waist and twisted and before BJ knew it they were wrestling. Well, if that was how Hawk was going to be, BJ would just show him. He devoted a little part of his brain to keeping track of his knees and Hawk’s balls to ensure they did not come into unfortunate contact, but made use of his superior strength and size to flip Hawkeye on his back and pin him. “One,” he intoned. Hawk wiggled enticingly. “Two.” Hawkeye raised his hips in an effort to either throw him off or grind on him, it wasn’t entirely clear. “Three.” BJ leaned in to kiss first Hawk’s nose, and then into his mouth. He tasted like Peg.

Hawk canted his hips, bringing their bodies into closer contact. BJ’s eyes have closed, the warmth and pressure of Hawkeye’s soft skin folding around his cock, the pressure of Hawkeye’s sliding alongside his own. They rocked together, half forgetting that they were supposed to be saving themselves for Peg, when the door clicked shut. They both looked up at her. BJ wondered if his face looked as guilt stricken as Hawk’s did.

“You idiots,” she said, fondly. Peg was not yet too pregnant to maneuver herself onto the carpet beside them. BJ lifted a hand to trace the side of her face, down her neck and to the warm hollow between her increasingly ample breasts. She lowered herself to lie alongside them, the movement for the first time that night showing her growing awkwardness as her center of gravity shifted. She lay down, her right arm pillowing her head and stretching out languidly above her while the other traced his clean upper lip, across his cheek and around his ear. Hawkeye shifted so BJ rolled off him and onto her. She brought an arm around him and leaned down to kiss him with a mouth that tasted of the vanilla ice cream she wasn’t supposed to have.

BJ reached around to give her butt a playful smack. “Off our diet, I see.”

“It’s not healthy to restrict pregnant women’s weight gain to fifteen pounds. Not to mention impossible.”

“I like your shape,” Hawkeye opined while he sandwiched BJ more tightly between them. “Yours too.”

“Why you debauched—” Peg started, and then fell silent. A slight sound, not quite a cough, outside had caught her attention. BJ winced. “I’ll get it. You boys have your fun,” Peg said, resigned.

BJ caught her around the waist to keep her down, took her hand and Hawkeye’s, one in each of his, and kissed the palms. “I’ll go. You two need it more tonight.” He folded himself into his bathrobe for what he knew would be the last time, shimmied into his underwear as quickly as he could manage, and swept out the door.

The sound, a coughing, hiccuping, retching noise, was much clearer in the hallway. He tossed his pillow aside. That sound was enough to shut his amorous mood off like a switch. Knowing what he was going to find, he put on his best face and opened the door just as Erin started to cry in earnest. “Oh, sweet cheeks, I know, it’s yucky, I’m gonna run you a bath, you’ll be fine.”

He caught her up into his arms carefully so as not to jostle more of her dinner out of her and headed to the bathroom. He’d deal with the sheets later. “Yucky,” she mumbled into his chest. 

“Yeah, yucky.” He started the water running, added bubble bath and stripped her out of her soiled nightgown. Erin was hot to the touch and pinker than she had been when he’d put her back to bed after her drink. She looked at him from the water, head tilted at an odd angle. He found the shampoo and worked it into her hair while she sat, miserably passive, not even swishing her hands through the growing mountain of bubbles. Until his fingers grazed her left ear, then she yelped.

“Oh, baby, ouch!” They had a mercury thermometer in the medicine cabinet that he rarely used. A sick child was either middling warm, hot, or emergency hot, and he could feel the difference as well as Peg could with the back of his hand. It didn’t seem worth the unpleasantness of sticking a thermometer where the sun didn’t shine when it was pretty clear what was wrong. 

Once she was clean, he made a burrito of her and carried her back to her room just long enough to pull a spare nightgown and undies out of her top drawer. He wrinkled his nose. Once she was asleep, he’d pull the sheets, but for now, his best girl needed her daddy. He headed back to the living room, sat down on the couch and peeled her out of the towel, top half first to put the nightgown on so she wouldn’t get cold, then set the towel aside and threaded her pants over her feet and up. She nuzzled into his chest when he lay back on the couch cushions, sore ear up, and he lay his warm palm to cover it like a warm compress. She sniffled on his chest for a few minutes, but the semi upright position seemed to help, and she soon grew heavy and limp.

He must have dozed a little himself, because the next thing he was aware of was a body slipping onto the couch, lifting his legs up and laying them over his lap. “Hawk,” he mumbled, coming awake.

“Peg’s asleep,” Hawk whispered. I changed Erin’s bed and put the sheets in to wash.” One hand, pale in the moonlight from the window, reached up to cup Erin’s sweaty scalp.

“Ear infection, I think,” BJ said. “I should get the otoscope to be sure.”

“I got a new toy,” Hawkeye said, producing a cylinder about the size of a spark plug and a tiny flat screen.

“How much did that cost you?”

“It was conference swag. Also they don’t use money in the other San Francisco.”

“Well isn’t that convenient.”

Hawkeye waved the medscanner over Erin’s right ear. “Ear infection, no surprise there. Temp’s a hundred and three, but I’d like to avoid giving her aspirin. Apparently it’s not good for kids. Want me to move her to her bed?”

BJ shook his head. “I want her sitting up a bit, so the ear will drain.”

“Okay.” Hawk scooped under Erin’s arms and lifted her off BJ’s chest, the sweat soaked spot where she’d lain cool in the air from the open window. BJ sat up to make room on Hawkeye’s lap. Erin let out a squeaky sigh of protest like a balloon losing its air, but settled as soon as Hawkeye had her snugly tucked up under his chin.  
Hawkeye wrapped his free arm around BJ and BJ leaned in for a mostly chaste kiss, just sweeping Hawk’s teeth with his tongue.

Hawkeye tilted his head back as much as he could to capture BJ lips, getting a nibble in before backing away. “Once we get Erin back in her bed, you’re mine,” he promised.

“I’m always yours, Hawk.” BJ snaked an arm around Hawkeye’s shoulder and fell into a comfortable doze.

Peg found the three of them cuddled up together on the couch the next time she had to get up to pee.

**Author's Note:**

> 1) The other San Francisco is about 60 light years from home. It's also 2273 there.
> 
> 2) Yes, _that_ Uncle Jim.
> 
> 3) Who wouldn't bring home a solar powered portable medscanner if one were offered?


End file.
